Scared

I get a really bad headache if I am sitting for more than 45 minutes. Therefore, I've been lying in bed most of the time. I called my surgeon earlier this week and was told I would receive a return phone call. No one called back, so I called again this morning. Again, no return phone call. I decided to research the subject online and I believe I have Orthostatic headache which "is a medical condition in which a person develops a severe headache while vertical and the headache is relieved when horizontal". The headache is caused from a leak in my dura. "Spontaneous Cerebrospinal Fluid Leak Syndrome (SCSFLS) is a medical condition in which the cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) held in and around a human brain and spinal cord leaks out of the surrounding protective sac, the dura".

"SCSFLS afflicts 5 out of every 100,000 people. On average, the condition is developed at the age of 42, and women are twice as likely as men to develop the condition. Some people with SCSFLS chronically leak cerebrospinal fluid despite repeated attempts at patching, leading to long-term disability due to pain and nerve damage. "

That's just fabulous. What in the world is happening to me? It's just one bad thing after the other. I'm beginnig to think having this surgery was the biggest mistake of my life. It has screwed up my life in so many ways. For example, I believe I have black mold in my house and it is making me and G sick. While I was in the hospital, my dog Trudy started peeing on the bathroom floor. G was the person to clean up the pee and at 12 years old, she really didn't do a very good job of it. The linoleum in my bathroom is very old and cracked and peeling up in one corner. Trudy's pee got under the linoleum and sat for a long time... possibly causing black mold. Also, shortly before my surgery I had a pipe back up in my kitchen and had a major water spill. I cleaned it up as well as I could, but I know a lot of water got under the washer and dryer. I couldn't move the washer and dryer to clean it up, so there was standing water under and behind the washer and dryer. Perhaps there is black mold in the kitchen too? AND... last weekend my furnance died. I asked G's dad to go down to the basement to have a look at it. Upon entering the basement, he found out a pipe had burst, and there was water all over the floor and stuff that I had stored in boxes. Yet another opportunity for black mold to develop. I really love my house. It's so cute and has so much charm. I fell in love with this house before I even saw the inside. But it was built in the 20s and it needs a lot of work. Also, I can't even get to my own basement and that is very frustrating. I'm thinking about moving to a condo. A new one. That way all the plumbing, electricity and everything will be in good condition, and it will all be on one level. I also wouldn't have a yard to worry about, which is good and bad. Good because I can't keep my backyard looking decent (which has caused at least one of my neighbors to hate me), but bad because I won't be able to garden anymore.

I don't know what to do. I just know that this single, aging, disabled mom can't keep up with the demands of this old house anymore. And now I find out that I could possibly have to live with this horrible headache for the rest of my life? I'm at the end of the rope. My life is falling to pieces.